Dating Hell

So, I used to like to date. I used to go on a lot of bad dates to give my friends something to smile about, laugh about, and sometimes I met some nice guys. Dating was like a hobby of mine. Don’t get me wrong I always offered to pay my share, was nearly always refused.  I never took advantage of the guy in terms of where we stood. I dated because I wanted to meet Mr Right.

Well now, since “the Epilepsy” came back, it’s a bit different. I can’t drive so getting to the dates is a bit difficult (although I must admit, public transport/bikes = hot in my nice date outfits). Giving a stranger my address = bad mojo, so what to do, what to do? Bottom line, I haven’t dated. I’m becoming a bit of a recluse and my dog is my only full time company.

There are so many issues and hardships when it comes to dating when you have a life long disability. When to tell them, how to tell them, and how do you explain it to them? How do you throw on someone you like that “oh by the way, I have a disability that makes it so I’m dependent upon others, and one day I may be without a part of my brain. When do you spring that on them? The first date? Oh, by the way… I have seizures. When you find out you really like them, and you want it to continue? Which at that point your heart is invested and it could be harder on you?

The other thing that frightens me about the whole thing… I may never get to have children. I’ve gone back and forth about whether or not I want to be a mother and I’ve come to the conclusion that I do. So then what? Pregnancy and the hormones can increase the risk of seizures, which means I could kill my unborn baby just by being me. I feel like I’m disappointing my family (I know I’m not, but sometimes it feels that way) by even thinking that way.

So what to do? I’m not saying I’ll never find Mr. Right. I’m just saying the minefield in front of me is a scary one. It’s one that a lot of epileptics have to walk through.  There’s no right or wrong answer (at least in my opinion).

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  • Meg
  • Reid B. Kimball

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