Tea Leaves

This morning as I was doing my early morning surfing and preparing myself for the day, I took a drink of my tea. I’m drinking that green herbal stuff that doesn’t come in little baggies so you get stuck having to actually… see the tea leaves. As I looked in the bottom of my cup I saw the few leaves that escaped as they swirled around.

If I were a different person, I may look at those tea leaves and try to figure out what they mean. Maybe they mean I’m going to have a happy, healthy life. Maybe they mean my true love is about to come. Or maybe they just mean I need a better tea thing-a-majiggy.

The fact is, my future is uncertain. I may remain forever as I am now. I may always have seizures waking me up in the morning, bothering me at work, making it so independence becomes harder and harder. OR I may become seizure free. Maybe we’ll find the perfect combination of drugs that “cures” me. MAYBE just maybe I’ll be able to have a temporal lobectomy and stop having seizures that way. Maybe I’ll cave and get a VNS (for me it’s my worst nightmare, for others it’s been a dream come true).

I just want some certainty in my life. I’d like to know that tomorrow I won’t have any seizures. Tomorrow I’ll be able to get in my car and take myself to the store and get a big thing of toilet paper without having to worry how I’m going to get it on my bike, or WORSE take it on the bus. I just want some certainty that tomorrow will be easier.

The tea leaves are now down the sink, never to be seen again. That’s probably a good thing. No good news ever comes from tea leaves anyway.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DeanG
    Oct 08, 2010 @ 08:43:25

    Thanks for sharing the feelings of the struggle I only know as a parent and son.


  2. Meg
    Oct 08, 2010 @ 18:21:02

    Thank you! I’m glad if I can help anyone out 🙂


  3. findingstrengthtostandagain
    Oct 09, 2010 @ 17:44:32

    Meg, seizures were my “Disease of Waiting” for years. Believe me when I say that I know what you are going through, and I wish you the best of luck.
    You have a great writing style and ability to convey your message. Thank you very much for sharing this!


    • Meg
      Oct 09, 2010 @ 18:57:36

      Thank you, so very much for your kind words.

      I’ve been fighting this since birth, what’s a few more years, right? )


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